Thinking out loud

I won’t pretend that finding out this morning that I indeed had not gotten the RA (Resident Assistant) job at The Master’s College next year wasn’t painful. My hopes were high and I considered the odds in my favor, after all, why wouldn’t they pick Nate Boone for this job? Few could be better qualified… or so my arrogant reasoning concluded. How could they neglect such a potential asset to the SLS ministry?

And so, as any godly young man should, I respond to this trial by saying “God is sovereign”. By saying it with a sigh. Why don’t I shout it? Why don’t I click my heels at the realization that since I didn’t get RA, God has an even better way for me to serve Him next year in mind? Why don’t I get giddy thinking about how God will prove Himself faithful to me once again, just like when He provided financially for TMC after I failed to get the President’s Scholarship, which was the only possible way to provide these dollars in my mind? Or like when He showed Himself to be sufficient last summer when I got rejected for what I considered the ideal summer job and crashed my truck on the same day?

On one hand, I suppose it’s natural and acceptable to be sad about such a turn of events. I think that I intellectually understand the sovereignty of God in my life, but I still struggle with how this physically affects my life. In the same way, Job was emotional about his loss even though seemingly understanding God’s sovereignty, or even Jesus wept at the death of his friend Lazarus or sweat blood at Gethsemane though he knew his Father’s plan to be perfect.

But even though there is a season of sorrow, joy comes quickly knowing God’s character. If it just stopped at God’s sovereignty, I’m not sure I’d be much comforted. This, I think, is a big difference between Allah of Islam and the true God which we serve: YHWH is good! He has our eternal best interest in mind, namely that our lives will be eternally consumed with Him, because He is the greatest. “If God is for us, who is against us?” (Rom. 8:31) “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28) These verses are truth, not simply “Christian clichés” as I once heard them called. I can rest in “adversity” (can not getting a job even be called this?) because my God is bigger than everyone else, and he’s on my side!

Yeah it hurts, but it hurts things that should be hurting and haven’t for a while, such as my pride, my sense of self-sufficiency, my independence, everything that draws me from the bliss of complete dependence on the Lord. He knows what He’s doing.

How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; Enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,
And me enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken.
But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me.

Psalm 13