Half back -- sorta...

Hey guys--

Well, I'm back here at good ol' Yad HaShmonah. I started at 5:00 AM this morning from Amman, and took two taxis and two buses to come back here to the IBEX campus to pick up my other suitcase I left here on my way to the airport in Tel Aviv. The Schlegel family was kind enough to offer me lunch and I've got a little free time and a wireless internet connection, so here I am! My flight leaves tonight around midnight. Please pray for safe travel.

I believe that my time in Jordan this past month could be well summarized by these two verses:

And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
Therefore I am well content with with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
-2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Jordan was far less "busy" then I had initially expected and hoped. I had anticipated rolling my sleeves up and working my tail off, but instead I found myself with a good deal of down time. Because I don't know Arabic, there were a lot of things that I couldn't do or do well. I've talked less this month more than I can ever remember simply because often I couldn't understand or contribute to the conversation.

However, God knows what He's doing!

Come, behold the works of the Lord, who has wrought desolations in the earth.
He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two; He burns the chariots with fire.
"Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold.
-Psalm 46:8-11

In other words: God really doesn't need us to exalt Himself, He "will be exalted among the nations" and He "will be exalted in the earth" no matter what we do or fail to do for Him. This truth simultaneously pulls the rug out from under the proud who think they are indispensible to the kingdom of God, and supports the weak who are overcome with their own inadequacies in serving the Lord. The victory over sin and death has already been won by Christ alone, He just allows us the joy of participating in the battle as His servants. We are like toddlers "helping" Mom make cookies, the failure or success of this operation has nothing to do with us. We cannot thwart God's plans, He is God!

This passage does not mean "cease striving against sin" or "cease striving to be holy, as I am holy". To "cease striving" is not a biblical excuse to sleep in or choose to only read the Word at a more convenient time. Rather, God is telling us to cease in feverishly trying to accomplish that which God already has under control, which is summed up simply by next statement, "know that I am God". It is to rejoice in God's sovereignty and then to continue in obedience--simply because of who God is, not because God won't be able to do it without you.

I am so thankful for this season of my life in which the Lord arranged for me a situation in which I was forced to "cease striving". I truly felt weak this last month, not that I was more weak than before, but that I had never recognized my weaknesses to this extent. And yet, God still exalted himself, despite my weaknesses. The crazy thing is, even though God has got everything under control, he choses to involve us in His plan of salvation, no matter how many times we fail.

In addition, I was able to use a lot of this extra time in extra study, thought, and prayer about the mission field. I feel at this point that the Lord is leading me to prayerfully pursue serving Him on the mission field for the rest of my life. I have really struggled with my motivations about this decision in the past, but the Lord has given me peace about trusting Him in taking this first step and "He will make [my] paths straight." (Prov. 3:5-6) Thank you to all those who were praying with me to this end!